in that blank slate phase of life

Yapping about my indecisive overthinking (aka a major element of my creative process)

In my last therapy session, there was a phrase that stuck in my head and helped create a container for everything I’ve been feeling lately. My therapist described my current situation as a “blank slate phase” and it felt like the perfect summary for everything I’ve been feeling lately (shoutout to Maggie!). In the past month, I quit my part time job to free up the mental space it was taking too much of. When I put in my notice, I didn’t have any huge plans for what was next. Big yikes. All I knew is that I REALLY needed to leave that job. I’ve spent too much time in jobs that frustrate me and I’m not spending any more time in them than I need to. I don’t need anymore workplace trauma thankyouverymuch. Luckily I have an endlessly supportive husband that makes this possible. I’m incredibly privileged to have the freedom to get out of a bad work situation and I’ll never stop appreciating my luck.

Now that I have no job holding my attention, I’m looking towards what’s next. As always, I have lots of ideas of what I’d like to focus on, but really my slate couldn’t be more blank. I could work on freelance, work on an online shop, go to markets, create a clothing line, have a baby, go back to school or do all of the above.

However I’m starting to feel like this blank slate stretches for miles in all directions and I’m getting a little lost in all of the possibilities. Not to mention the US government decided to take a nosedive which only adds to my general feeling of indecisiveness. Who wants to try to develop an online shop with tariffs and potential recessions looming on the horizon?? I feel like that meme with the dog sitting in the middle of a fire. Except everything is very much not fine.

I am also a highly accomplished overthinker so this blank slate phase is really starting to wear on me. It’s WAY too hard for me to pick one thing and commit to it. The what ifs are always in the back of my mind taunting me. But I also can’t give my attention to everything so instead I’m just left at this crossroads on a big blank space while I stare at the possibilities and make no decisions.

However one thing I’m able to give endless attention span to is my newfound love of sewing. I’m spending nearly all of my time planning projects and self drafting ideas that probably won’t work. But I’m enjoying myself so much that I don’t even mind. I really do need to stop buying pink fabric though or else my entire wardrobe will be one color — which I’m not entire convinced is a bad thing when that color is pink.

So I’ve been full on hyper focused on this new hobby of mine while my blank slate is hovering at the back of my mind. Even when bum having fun I can’t help but think about all of the other things I could be doing. I’m really trying to go with the flow and allow things to unfold like they’re supposed to. I’m betting on the fact that any way I follow my creativity will help me build the life I want. Here’s hoping I don’t regret this bet. At the very least I’ll come out the other side with a bunch of colorful new additions to my wardrobe..right?

If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for being here for my rambly life update. This space is meant to be all about my creative process and yapping about overthinking is a major element of that process. I appreciate you endlessly and I’m so glad you’re here on this journey with me 💖 respond and let me know if you’ve ever faced your own blank slate phase of life! I’d love to hear about how it went. Hope you have a great weekend!

P.S. I’d also like the record to reflect that I posted this right before my Friday deadline expired! I’m keeping my posting streak alive if it’s the last thing I do.